Montreal is a great city for anyone who loves food. You can find it all: fancy cuisine du marché, Venezuelan golfeados, Tamil dosas, Polish Bigos and, if you look hard enough, you’ll even find Japanese restaurants that serve something other than sushi.
But one thing is hard to find. Most of us who’ve lived elsewhere in Quebec agree that Montreal is notorious for third-rate poutine. Many casse-croutes will shamelessly serve up limp fries swimming in lumpy gravy covered with grated pizza cheese. What is this crap? Why is it that some inbred hick operating a fry shack in backwoods Saint-Machin can serve up a proper poutine and you can’t?
“Enough” I say! I’ve stared at too much disgusting soupy potato mush trying to pass off as poutine. Nobody should have to eat this. I’m all for reasonable accommodation of strange cultural practices, but there should be no reasonable accommodation for a bad poutine. People need to be told where to go and who to shun.
The web offers little in the way of help. One poutine rating site uses a democratic approach, but the high votes for this poutine clearly indicate that most voters are either drunk or demented. Another site looks like it hasn’t been updated in years, and some of the reviews are unscientific. This site will be a definitive reference, using rigourous criteria to arrive at the objective truth about Montreal’s poutine.
I, The Poutine Pundit, have selflessly agreed to clog my arteries with this town’s lousy poutine so you don’t have to. I aim to find the rare diamonds in the poutine rough and share them selflessly with all. Stay tuned!