Why did I eat here? I think I was drunk. No, now I remember: some idiot raved about Cosmos’ special poutine with out-of-this-world three-pepper sauce and I believed him.
The Cosmos sits on Grande Allée, Quebec City’s equivalent to Montreal’s Crescent street. Okay, so there are no Anglo jocks or iPhone-touting nouveau-riche Lebanese, but douchebags are all the same no matter what language they speak. What’s more, the restaurant sits right next to that ultimate douchebag magnet: a Cigar Lounge.
The Cosmos welcomes you with a fairly predictable steady 4/4 jungle-lounge beat–a continuous rhythm that stays with you throughout your meal. The crowd consists of 35-45 year olds talking about the hockey game and their investment portfolios. The gimmicky multicolored lighting changes from blue, to green, to red, and back again. Nobody shows any interest in the Namibia vs. Samoa rugby game on TV (Hmmm… I wonder why).
The high-tech gadgetry reaches its climax in the bathrooms, which contain urinals shaped like alien eggs, sinks with waterfalls, Quebec city’s first XLERATOR high-speed hand-dryer, and a one-way mirrored fish-tank. For those who like to dance while urinating, the same steady jungle-lounge beat can be heard in the bathroom.
Fries: The fries had clearly been sitting around for a while. Although these home-cut fries might have had potential in their youth, they were now floury, limp, thin, tasteless, cold, and a wrinkly dark brown. 12/30
Sauce: Satisfying at first, but the coagulated lumps and generic taste soon wear on you. The Cosmos peppercorn sauce tries to amp up the taste but fails miserably, the result being far too overpowering for the other ingredients. 20/50 for the Cosmos sauce, 25/50 for the regular sauce.
Cheese: Like everything else, it tastes like it’s been sitting around a while, but this a good thing when it comes to squeaky cheese. Despite the proper temperature, the cheese has no squeak. All the cheese is on top. In other words, the portions are ridiculously stingy, especially in the Cosmos sauce poutine, where the large peppercorns are considered an adequate replacement for cheese. 9/20
41/100 (Cosmos sauce)
Verdict: We leave with a bad taste in our mouths, but what a beat!
Price: Average to high – $6.25 to $6.50 for a small.
Opening Hours: MON-FRI: 7:00AM-MIDNIGHT, SAT-SUN: 8:00AM-1:00AM.
Location: 575 Grande Allée Est, Quebec City, Quebec.