Review: Café Cosmos

Cosmos Cafe

Why did I eat here? I think I was drunk. No, now I remember: some idiot raved about Cosmos’ special poutine with out-of-this-world three-pepper sauce and I believed him.

The Cosmos sits on Grande Allée, Quebec City’s equivalent to Montreal’s Crescent street. Okay, so there are no Anglo jocks or iPhone-touting nouveau-riche Lebanese, but douchebags are all the same no matter what language they speak. What’s more, the restaurant sits right next to that ultimate douchebag magnet: a Cigar Lounge.

Cafe Cosmos
This guy is loving the steady beat

The Cosmos welcomes you with a fairly predictable steady 4/4 jungle-lounge beat–a continuous rhythm that stays with you throughout your meal. The crowd consists of 35-45 year olds talking about the hockey game and their investment portfolios. The gimmicky multicolored lighting changes from blue, to green, to red, and back again. Nobody shows any interest in the Namibia vs. Samoa rugby game on TV (Hmmm… I wonder why).

The high-tech gadgetry reaches its climax in the bathrooms, which contain urinals shaped like alien eggs, sinks with waterfalls, Quebec city’s first XLERATOR high-speed hand-dryer, and a one-way mirrored fish-tank. For those who like to dance while urinating, the same steady jungle-lounge beat can be heard in the bathroom.

Cafe Cosmos
The Regular

Cafe Cosmos
Cosmos poutine with peppercorns

Fries: The fries had clearly been sitting around for a while. Although these home-cut fries might have had potential in their youth, they were now floury, limp, thin, tasteless, cold, and a wrinkly dark brown. 12/30

Sauce: Satisfying at first, but the coagulated lumps and generic taste soon wear on you. The Cosmos peppercorn sauce tries to amp up the taste but fails miserably, the result being far too overpowering for the other ingredients. 20/50 for the Cosmos sauce, 25/50 for the regular sauce.

Cheese: Like everything else, it tastes like it’s been sitting around a while, but this a good thing when it comes to squeaky cheese. Despite the proper temperature, the cheese has no squeak. All the cheese is on top. In other words, the portions are ridiculously stingy, especially in the Cosmos sauce poutine, where the large peppercorns are considered an adequate replacement for cheese. 9/20

TOTAL SCORE:
41/100 (Cosmos sauce)
46/100 (Regular)

Verdict: We leave with a bad taste in our mouths, but what a beat!

Price: Average to high – $6.25 to $6.50 for a small.

Opening Hours: MON-FRI: 7:00AM-MIDNIGHT, SAT-SUN: 8:00AM-1:00AM.

Location: 575 Grande Allée Est, Quebec City, Quebec.

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1 Comment

Filed under Classic Poutine Reviews, Quebec City

One response to “Review: Café Cosmos

  1. funkyjeff77

    I worked there for almost 7 years, trying to fit in like Patrick Bateman. The fries are absolutely gross! At the end of the night shift you cant tell the difference between those fries and shit.

    Food is pricey and overrated. Coffee there sucks making a mockery of Folgers. This is the place to get screwed off big time and see tons of douchebags. But hey the formula is expanding (Cosmos Levis and Lebourneuf) but Grande-Allee is now just a big fucking joke! No one goes there except for douchebags n sluts.

    I should mention that people working there might be attractive on the surface, but they are some of dumbest I ve ever met in my life. They all watch reality tv, listen to cheesy house music, have big tatoos, uneducated and have big cars and call others BIG! The mark of true Douchebag s mastery!

    They also vote for la CAQ and le PCC and Labeaume but at least they are consistent on their shitty taste!

    Thanks for your review you were spot on!

    Jeff

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